I know — I owe you a follow-up to language modeling, and it’s coming. But we are in the midst of a hospitalization experience and this seemed more relevant. As helpful as hospitalization can be, as necessary for physical or mental health, it still sucks so much. This is especially true for children who may be confused and scared, who are almost certainly anxious about when they will be returning home. And few hospitals are truly designed for the needs of children. Here are some of the ways we bring comfort to both the child in the hospital and the child outside.
- Favorite toys. Each night we visit, we bring LM one small matchbox car. When Diva was in the hospital, we had the iPad with YGG. Stuffed animals are another great one. Small things that remind them of home. Pro tip for extended stays — don’t bring the most favorite one ever, because the risk of loss is too great.
- Books. We have brought a couple of our favorite books about love and family to LM, including I Love You, Stinky Face. We try to read them together before we leave, but it doesn’t always happen. We do always make sure to write a note on the inside cover and have all three of us sign our names. We leave it for him to look at and think about whenever he wants.
- Pictures. The therapist we are meeting with this week printed pictures of our cats for LM, and this is the single most comforting item he has. They are just black and white pictures from a printer, so it’s okay for them to be lost or ripped or well-loved. When we can, we look at pictures with him of things we have done together. We’ve also taken pictures of him and brought those pictures home to Diva, when that’s allowed in policy. We sent LM a lot of pictures of a Diva after surgery and when recovering last year — it was an essential part of him knowing she truly was okay.
- Routine. We try our very hardest to visit and call at the same time every day, so LM can expect us and know we will be there. We leave with the same routine every day, where LM walks us to the elevator and exchanges hugs. We stick to bath and bedtime routines with the child not in the hospital, even if they are staying with a family member. Their world is upside down, sideways, and pretty much chaotic in so many ways during a hospital stay. We do what we can to add elements of the regular.
- Flexibility. What? Didn’t I just say routine? Yes. It is a hard balance, but sometimes you just have to break the routine or the rules. Easy example — going to a bonus visit that you get offered last minute, if you at all can. Or letting Diva listen to more music and more television, because they are some of the only familiar things while we are far from home. Last year, we temporarily let her have a TV in her room when her recovery was long and painful. Other examples — not expecting “please” and “thank you” and prompting a child’s super best manners when they are under stress. Carving out time in the day for an extra snuggle. Being patient with impatience. Listening to your child when they are saying with words or body language that they need a short visit today. So many ways to be flexible that are about connecting deeper with a child who is hurt and scared.
Those are some of the things that we do. They are simple and common sense, but can be forgotten in the hectic life that is hospitalization. I know we usually bring a picture, for example, but we didn’t have anything on hand this time. And remember — you can do these things for yourself, too, not just for the kids in your life. We all need a little comfort when life gets big and rough.