This Friday, I am sharing five tips for sharing that yourself, your child, or your other loved one is in the hospital for mental illness. For a long time, I wasn’t sure if I should share. There is so much stigma and I didn’t want that attached to LM. But I realized that the only way to break down that stigma is to normalize hospitalization for psychiatric stabilization in the ways that we understand and accept hospitalization for physical health stabilization. So we share now, and here’s how we walk the balance of breaking down barriers and protecting privacy.
1. Stick to the basics. We share that LM is in the hospital, where he is, and news regarding discharge. We don’t share details about what was happening or how visits are going, except perhaps with a limited few family members or close friends. This is even true of sharing the story with his school, since they are not actively engaged in his daily care right now. That part of the story is LM’s, and I need to respect that.
2. Be aware of your audience. We post those basics on Facebook — but I have 100 friends and the vast majority of them are family members. We post on the blog, but with all the usual precautions with names and pictures.
3. Find good moments to share. People have lots of horrible images and stereotypes of people with mental illness and the hospitals that serve them. I’m not saying lie or cover up things or rose-colored glasses the stay. These things are hard. But if you have a complaint, it’s better directed towards a patient advocate or nursing supervisor who can actually do something anyways. We share stories of nurses who went the extra mile, or therapists who rocked our socks off, or policies that were especially family-friendly. I want to bring humanity back to something that is very dehumanized by our media, our cultural stories, our language, and more. I also hope that the collective stories of what works can lead to more or that good stuff.
4. Reach out to friends. It’s a lot easier to maintain those private boundaries when you have those people that you can emotionally vomit up all your fears, worries, anxieties, all the spinning and twirling of your brain over each moment. Find someone who can listen without judgment, whose opinion of you or your loved one won’t change. Turn to that person when things get hard.
5. Do not ever speak about other patients. I mean never. I mean not to your trusted friend, not to your therapist, not to anyone, much less a big audience. The only time you may be excused for talking about another patient is if it directly relates to your child, and that should be confined to confidential patient-therapist type conversations. Hospitalization finds you at your most vulnerable, whether you are the patient or the visiting family. It comes down to the basic golden rule, and I know I don’t want anyone to be running around talking about us!
If anyone catches me violating my own guidelines, I hope they will call me on it. I think we need to talk about hospitalization. I think we need to make it okay. We need to show that awesome people need these supports, that it could be kids and adults and family that you know and adore. Sadly, I think mental health support services will only get better if people start seeing how it can touch the lives of people they know. So we share — with limits. I’d love to hear yours.